He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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