he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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