Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
