I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
