the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
