you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
