Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is the high leading the old right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
