this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
