remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
