Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
