The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
