I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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