Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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