a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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