So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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