fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
