so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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