I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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