i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My first STD was from a foam party
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
