Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
