used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
