Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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