I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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