You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
