hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hippo gnu deer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
