Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
