It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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