2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
