final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
