TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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