i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
