we made out on top of his cat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is it because I queefed?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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