I am puke
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize