There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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