does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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