If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
