haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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