I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
