You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
