chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
