How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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