shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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