he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
