Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
