the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
