If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
