it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
