I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
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I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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