haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
