i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
