I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
