I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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