I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
