So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize