dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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