Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
