I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
