I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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