what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
