we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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