fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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