Your face is a jimmy john
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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