Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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