the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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