i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
