how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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