once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
