New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
