you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
