i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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